Today someone asked the question
why we get married?
why do we have children?
Why do we have do this and that?
Ultimately, she said according to the processor, it is because it creates/bring happiness that's why we do it.
To think about logically, it is never entirely true or false things. It is just like quantum uncertainty, YES/NO and TRUE/FALSE. Why? it is because to Creates/bring happiness is a process and it requires time. Time is a dimension. Because the question itself never define the dimension of the time, so it can be short or long or immediate and etc.
While I was asked this question, the reason I get married is because: I thought it is time to get married, of course my wife and I WERE happy that time. But Come to think about it, did she met my gf criteria, the answer is no. So if we get married because we are happy, and yet we have many unresolved issue, we will end up being unhappy later? So ultimately are we happy?
Many believe that happiness is a choice, I have always remember what Kira said, first you decide then you go through. So you decided to be happy when you wanna start something. But when the event unfold, there might be many unforeseen events, that makes you unhappy. Basically, that is human emotion and reaction, that make you react. IF you response, means you use logical thinking and analysis you should not be emotion about it and you should always be happy. But how many people can response to a situation if something unfavorable happens?
Many happiness resolves with emotion such as love. Lets take a look on what consists of love. Some Dr. said that Love consists of 3 elements, Passions, closeness and commitment. It is a triangle spider chart. Many families are usually left with commitment only, there are no longer passion and closeness, it become empty love. A true love should have all three. The hardest to spark is always Passion. Does this related to the process? or even with happiness ? YES!
Most of the love relationship starts with passion and you feel tremendous happiness together. Because of this happiness you forget about each other selection criteria. You forget about logic. You tend to overlook about your partner weakness, everything seems to be so perfect for each other. Your love is overflowing, you never have time to take a see through the Love emotion. When time goes, the passion diminishes, some of the couple left with closeness element, thus the relationship will last. some left with commitment.
Quarrel and disagreement happen when the love level is low. Many problems such as personal weakness appear. I have a friend who never like guys who smoke, and never like guys who play computer game. But when she gets to know him first time, she knows that he smokes, yet because of sudden passion , overwhelming love emotion and also immediate Happiness made her make the wrong decision.
Whenever a person performs a job or a process it always involve these 3 elements, passion, closeness and commitment. If none of these are there, the process will stop. Same goes to love relationship.
I reacted to the situation today, because I always feel heart pain when someone close just spend without thinking too much. I guess I should have response better and being positive about it. Because she knows what to choose and likes what she chooses. IT is all about emotional selling, that's why happiness on the spot, motivation on the spot, you will choose to reacted to it. But should we think about more long term? think 3 times?
No matter what happen, as Buddha said, do not be stubborn, everyone has their choice, everyone makes their decision and they will pay for their karma(consequences), we can only be the teacher. Feel happy about every decision, that's how events will unfold, that's how we learn. Every experience makes us today. Because of the past we have the presence. All this shall pass, we should not be angry about it. Feel happy because you still have a choice.
Many of us may not have a happy choice to start with. Alot of parents sacrifice their whole life, they might think they will end up being happy. which still an uncertainty.
In terms of question why do we get married? Why do we have children? it is a logical decision making. So in the logical decision making, some of the elements should be happiness. If having sex is happy and the by product is baby, perhaps it is not a very logical decision, and it is a very irresponsible action. So ultimately logical thinking and analysis should be the main method of decision making, not just simple happiness.
Can ultimate happiness or greater happiness be part of the result or impact in decision making? Whatever we do ultimately we want happiness. money, family and car and etc. When does ultimate happiness means? the day you are dead? or married? or give birht? or an age? no one knows it is up to you.
I have a friend when he was young he is very poor, He keep working hard until college he studies well and open up a software company, and he becomes millionaire, and he keeps working hard and wanna get his company listed. But he was diagnose with cancer in his 30+. It is 3rd stage and he passed away just after 9 months. He told me he rather be rich and live for 10 years then living forever poor with another 50 years.
Sometimes decision making is very hard. I am not sure whether during his 20 to 30 years old, is he truly happy. I heard from his friends during that time he got many girls friends, and after that he married He spends his money happily and owe many cars and achieve many stuff in his 30 before his death. Is this true happiness?
So no one can predicts the future, ultimately 80% people make decision based on immediate happiness OR emotion. So when they go home they found out they made wrong decision. Some of them after many years married only found out what they have always wanted is not what they get. Because they REACT not RESPOND. I am a solution architect. To have fully automated and long term solution you cannot just JUMP from manual process.You need a short term solution and continuous process.
Be truthful to yourself and your partner. Try to change yourself first. Many of us hold grudges and grievance toward other especially family members. Remember when you pick up your phone to talk to your spouse NOW, you never sound like the day you both starts dating. WHY? things have changed. losing passion, losing closeness. only left commitment, you wish all this never happen. It is always good things, many of us stuck in a loop. trying to think that time will heal. But times never heals, human brain just forget.
Ultimately, you wanna improve the situation. The key is start communicating with your partner/spouse. Try many method, until you give up. LOL Is giving up will give you happiness? YES it does, I have a friend who got divorce and married again. so he found a very good wife. Every action will have reaction, but as a human we should respond not react.
